6 Things I’ve Learned in 6 Years of Marriage

  1.  Sometimes love just isn’t enough.

Love with no commitment makes for weak bonds for a marriage.  In the last 6 years we have been through enough to know that if it were not for our commitment to each other we may not be here today.  Rings, engagement photos, and bridal showers are all cute; but when you are in the trenches none of that stuff really matters. 

2. No one really changes; but there should be some growth.

Sometimes we say we want our spouses to change, when what we really mean is we want them to grow.  In no way do I ever want my husband to change.  If he were to wake up tomorrow and was a completely different person in the same body I may not be too fond of that person.  I want the goofy, caring, loving, sweet man I married.  What I do appreciate are the opportunities he has taken to grow. 

3. Kiss More!!

At times kissing can be more intimate than sex.  It allows for a deeper connection because it causes both people to slow down and be intentional about being in each other’s space.  In that moment each person  is making the other their one and only priority.  Early on in relationships a shared kiss (especially if it is the first ) is special.  Sometimes going back to the basics is just what the doctor ordered.

4. There are times doing what’s best for the marriage doesn’t always feel good to the individuals.

As a person that has studied marriage and family therapy I have learned more than anything the importance of individuality and autonomy.  It’s easy to get lost in your role as a husband or a wife and you lose yourself.  However, there are times you have to do things for the health and wellness of the marriage.  For example, setting boundaries with family members outside of your marital system may not be comfortable for you.  If failure to set and maintain boundaries has been to the detriment of your marriage you will have a decision to make.  No one likes to feel they are giving up anything; but sometimes adjustments are needed for a successful marriage.

5. Sometimes you just gotta let stuff go.

I’ve never appreciated the phrase “pick your battles” more than have being married.  Small moment of transparency here.  Sometimes I have a hard time letting things go.  In particular, if it is a situation where I am more than confident, I am right!  In the end it doesn’t benefit anyone to continue pressing an issue where there is no resolve.  Sometimes you have to find the peace in just letting things go.  Not everything requires a deep dive or detailed explanation.  JUST. LET. IT. GO.

6. You should find at least one thing to laugh at everyday.

As we have grown together I’ve seen how we now find a lot of the same things funny.  In my humble opinion, between the 2 of us I am the funniest. LOL.  I introduced my husband to King of Queens and his life has never been the same.  Just like kissing, comedic relief also makes for a deeper connection.  Some of the best marriages are made up of 2 people not taking themselves too seriously.  The best arguments are those that end in spontaneous laughing.  It shows just how shallow arguments can be. 

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